You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
