saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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