okay pat passed out under dana's car
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
