So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
