i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize