I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
