Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
