my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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