Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
