there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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