there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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