I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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