please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
