Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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