I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
