Taylor Swift is so right about you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
