How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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