what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
