its not stalking. its research.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
