I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
