My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
