if you like me you must not know who I am
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
