My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
