What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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