My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
