I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
