Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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