After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
