I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
