how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
