I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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