He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
