i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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