I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Randomize