Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I want to walk on stilts...naked
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
