Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
