My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
