The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
