I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
