from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize