does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
