I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
