She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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