Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
