does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
