So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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