So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
