I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
