Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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