So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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