i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize