if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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