Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
