I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
