The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
