allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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