i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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