I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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