I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
