So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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