Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
