They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
