If i come over, it means nothing
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
