my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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