I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize