well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize