the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
