I'm so fucking centered right now
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize