He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize