I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
