i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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