I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
