I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
