Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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