U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
