Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
