Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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