I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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