My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
