so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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