And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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