They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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