trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
