My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
