So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
