There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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