marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
