she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
