Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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